Parenthood & everyday life
Balancing work and family takes more than organisation
On parenthood, personal expectations and shared responsibility – reflections from my conversation with Tadah about life between work and family.
This article revisits key themes from my interview with Tadah on 19 January 2023. It is an edited reflection on that conversation, rather than a transcript.
Work, family, relationships and personal interests: many of these things matter deeply to us. The difficulty comes when we try to give everything equal attention at once. In my conversation with Tadah, I described how our family life had changed with the arrival of our second child. Things that had previously seemed to fit together easily suddenly called for different arrangements and greater flexibility.
It was not a matter of finding the perfect plan. We had to keep discovering what was possible in our particular circumstances – and what had become too much.
When enjoyable things become obligations
High expectations rarely stop at work. Friendships, leisure and time with our children can also become part of a programme we dutifully complete. In the interview, I described people who do a great deal yet struggle to say what still brings them joy.
Behind this lies a question that a better organised calendar cannot answer on its own: am I still in touch with what matters to me, or am I mainly trying to live up to my own expectations?
Responsibility can be shared
Balancing work and family is also a social issue. In our conversation, I spoke about the tension between professional opportunities and the continuing unequal distribution of care work. Images of effortlessly successful parents can reinforce the impression that feeling overwhelmed is a personal failure.
A different working culture would make sharing paid work and childcare more normal. Within a relationship, this also requires a willingness to adapt responsibilities and arrangements as life changes.
Saying what is difficult
Talking about doubts, wishes and limits can feel uncomfortable. Yet the possibility of change begins when difficulties can be acknowledged. In the interview, this openness mattered more to me than presenting an image of smoothly functioning family life.
We also spoke about happiness. My answer focused on small everyday moments and the curiosity children bring. Letting go of the need to do everything at once can create room to notice those moments.
The conversation at Tadah
The full interview, “Nathalie à Porta: einen Schritt zurück, um vorwärts zu gehen.”, was published on 19 January 2023. Interview and original text: Tadah. The original is in German.